I Am A Musician

January 2nd, 2006

I am a musician.
The saxophone is the instrument that I have spent the most years focusing on. I don’t believe I am a bad saxophonist. There are many things I could improve, of course.
I think of myself as a musician first and an instrumentalist second. The music takes place in your heart, mind, and soul. The instrument takes place in the physical, in the body. I’ve never put as much value in one’s ability to move one’s fingers around as I have in one’s ability to conceive of music.

One of my favorite things to do is to arrange and track horns in the studio. In this, I get an opportunity to really make music. A studio session lives outside of time as opposed to a live performance where an idea comes-goes-and is gone. In the studio, one can imagine an idea and then spend a moment to make that idea a reality. Of course, the faster you are at this, the better. This actually translates into the live performance. (It’s really all the same thing… music.)
I used to sing a lot. When i went to music school, voice was my major and saxophone my minor. I wasn’t so bad.
Singers are delicate people. I had a hard experience once out of school that shook my confidence.
You see, a vocalist is equipped with the instrument he/she is born with. It can be excercised and trained, but it can’t be changed. If one feels that their instrument is “no good”, they are out of luck. There’s no getting a new one.
I felt that there must be something wrong with mine because of one small comment by one engineer (not taking into account comments of teachers, past engineers, friends, and listeners.)
Now, I know that my voice has a certain quality. There are some things that one vocalist sounds good singing that another doesn’t in the same way that a flute shouldn’t take that big solo that cries for distorted electric guitar.
I focused on the saxophone instead. It was easy to do as I had many opportunities. I was playing in horn sections constantly. When asked to sing backup, I’d say, “Can’t sing with this horn in my mouth.”
It’s been years now. I’ve begun to attempt to record some of the songs I composed. To my sorrow, my voice feels very out of shape. I have moments where it sounds good again, but I’m not able to do things that I could do easily before. I know it is just a matter of practice. I need to re-train the voice. It makes me a bit sad though.
I think of myself as a powerful and balanced person. To let myself be derailed as I did is a bit of a let down.
Then again, now is an opportunity to show myself how powerful I really am. Re-focus, re-think, re-learn, results.
I feel good. I feel strong.

Stay tuned.

Entry Filed under: Thoughts